Your Body Might Know Before You Do

How feelings can show up in the body before kids, teens and adults know how to explain them

“My stomach hurts.”

“I’m tired.”

“My head hurts.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“Leave me alone.”

“I DON’T KNOW!”

If you’re raising a child or teenager, chances are you’ve heard at least one of these.

And sometimes, it’s easy to assume they’re trying to get out of something, being dramatic, avoiding a conversation, or simply don’t want to tell us what’s going on.

But what if they really don’t know?

Sometimes a child’s body recognizes what’s happening emotionally before their brain has the words to explain it.

Feelings Aren’t Just in Our Heads

We often talk about emotions as if they only happen in our thoughts.

But feelings happen throughout our bodies.

Think about the last time you were really nervous.

Maybe your stomach felt unsettled.

Your heart started beating faster.

Your shoulders tightened.

Your palms got sweaty.

You had trouble concentrating.

You knew you were anxious because, as an adult, you’ve had years of practice connecting those physical sensations to an emotion.

Kids and teens are still learning that connection.

A younger child may not think:

“I’m feeling anxious because I’m worried about walking into the cafeteria and not knowing where to sit.”

They may simply say:

“My stomach hurts.”

A teenager may not recognize:

“I’m overwhelmed by school, friendships, expectations, and trying to keep up with everything.”

Instead, you might hear:

“I’m exhausted.”

“Everybody is annoying me.”

“Just leave me alone.”

Their body may be telling the story before they know how to tell it themselves.

“I Don’t Know” May Actually Mean “I Don’t Know”

Imagine your child gets into the car after school and you can immediately tell something is off.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“You seem upset.”

“I’m fine.”

“Did somebody say something?”

“No.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

And finally:

“I DON’T KNOW!”

Sometimes “I don’t know” is avoidance.

But sometimes they genuinely haven’t connected the dots yet.

They know their chest feels tight.

They know they’re irritated.

They know they want everyone to stop talking.

They know their stomach feels weird when they think about tomorrow.

But identifying why takes emotional awareness—and emotional awareness is something we learn.

Instead of immediately pushing for an explanation, we can help them become curious about what their body is telling them.

Become a Body Detective

Try changing the question from:

“What’s wrong?”

to:

“What are you noticing in your body right now?”

For a younger child, that might sound like:

“Does your tummy feel tight, twisty, bubbly, or sick?”

“Are your hands relaxed or squeezed really tight?”

“Does your body feel fast or slow?”

“Does your heart feel calm or like it’s running?”

For an older child or teenager:

“When did you first notice it?”

“What was happening right before?”

“Where do you feel it most?”

“Does it feel more like worried, angry, embarrassed, sad, overwhelmed—or something else?”

And sometimes the answer can still be:

“I don’t know yet.”

That’s okay.

We aren’t interrogating them until they produce an answer.

We’re helping them learn to notice themselves.

Notice → Name → Understand → Help

One way to teach this is with four simple steps.

NOTICE: What is my body doing?

“My heart is racing.”

“My stomach feels tight.”

“My fists are clenched.”

“My shoulders are tense.”

“My body feels heavy.”

NAME: What feeling might go with it?

Worried? Angry? Sad? Embarrassed? Excited? Overwhelmed?

UNDERSTAND: What was happening when this started?

Maybe the stomachache showed up while getting ready for school.

Maybe the headache started after a loud, demanding day.

Maybe their fists tightened after an argument with a friend.

Maybe their heart started racing before walking onto the field.

Now we're connecting the dots.

HELP: What might my body need?

A few slow breaths?

Movement?

Quiet?

Food or water?

Rest?

Connection?

Space?

Someone to talk to?

Help solving a problem?

Over time, something powerful starts happening.

“My stomach hurts.”

can eventually become:

“My stomach gets tight when I’m worried about going to school.”

That's emotional awareness growing.

Don't Automatically Assume It's Anxiety

There's an important balance here.

If your child says their stomach hurts, their stomach hurts.

If they complain of headaches, exhaustion, chest discomfort, nausea, or other physical symptoms, those symptoms should be taken seriously—especially when they are new, severe, persistent, or concerning.

We don't want children learning:

“Nobody believes me when I say something hurts.”

Instead, we can hold two things at once:

“I believe that your stomach hurts. Let's take care of your body, and let's also get curious about what was happening when you noticed it.”

Sometimes there's a physical explanation.

Sometimes emotions are contributing.

Sometimes both can be true.

Body Signals Aren't Bad

We also don't want kids becoming afraid of normal body sensations.

A racing heart doesn't automatically mean something is wrong.

Butterflies don't mean they can't do the thing they're nervous about.

Feeling uncomfortable doesn't always mean they need to escape.

Their body isn't the enemy.

It's giving them information.

We can teach them:

“My body is sending me a signal. I can notice it, understand it, and decide what I need next.”

That's very different from:

“This feeling is scary. I have to make it stop.”

We're Not Teaching Them to Never Feel Uncomfortable

The goal isn't a child who never gets nervous.

Or angry.

Or embarrassed.

Or overwhelmed.

The goal is a child who begins to recognize:

Something is happening in my body.

I can get curious about what I'm feeling.

I have tools to help myself through it.

And maybe the next time you hear:

“My stomach hurts.”

“I’m exhausted.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“Leave me alone.”

or

“I don't know what's wrong…”

Instead of immediately searching for the answer, start with curiosity.

Because sometimes, their body knows the story before they have the words to tell it. ❤️

Written By: Kacy Mathis